When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against

that ratbag/bitch..

When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, I will know you've finally had sex.

When you are scared, I will kick you up the arse.

When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how

much worse it could be and tell you to stop whining.

When you are confused, I will use little words.

When you are sick, stay the hell away from me until you are well

again, I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, I will laugh at your clumsiness. Then help you up.