1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place

and turn on

your computer (or get lots of freshly sharpened pencils and

paper). 

2. Check your

e-mail. 

3. Read over the

assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it. 

4. Walk down to the

vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate. 

5. Check your

e-mail. 

6. Decide to go

hunt

for inspiration and go visit your friend from from class who lives

on

the other floor. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet

either,

you can both walk to Baskin Robbins and buy some ice cream to help

you

concentrate. If your friend shows you her paper, typed,

double-spaced,

and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders,

drop

her. 

7. When you get

back

to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean,

well

lighted spot and stare at your computer screen. Play solitaire. 

8. Read over the

assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it. 

9. Check your

e-mail. 

10. You know, you

haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade.

You'd

better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can

concentrate. 

11.. Look at your

teeth in the bathroom mirror. 

12. Listen to one

side

of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean it, as soon as it's

over

you are going to start that paper. 

13. Listen to the

other side. 

14. Check your

e-mail. 

15. Rearrange all

of your CDs in alphabetical order. 

16. Phone your

friend on the other floor and ask if she's started writing yet. 

Exchange derogatory

remarks about your teacher, the course, the college, the world at

large. 

17. Sit in front of

your computer 

18. Read over the

assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor it's

special flavor. 

19. Check your

e-mail. 

20. Check the

newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly

worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12

hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of

the

Yukon is truly worthwhile, with these exceptions: a) Pro Bowlers

Tour

b) 90210 

21. Catch the last

hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on Channel 26. 

22. Phone your

friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the

finer points of the plot. 

23. Check your

e-mail. 

24. Look at your

tongue in the bathroom mirror. 

25. Look through

your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is. 

26. Sit down and do

some serious thinking about your plans for the future. 

27. Open your door

and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench coated

strangers lurking in the hall. 

28. Check your

e-mail. 

29. Sit in a

straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place and

stare at the blank monitor. Play minesweeper. 

30. Read over the

assignment one more time, just for heck of it. 

31. Scoot your

chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise. 

32. Lie face down

on the floor and moan. 

33. Check your

e-mail. 

34. Leap up and

write the paper. 

35. Type the paper,

and while you're at it, check your e-mail. 

36. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you

had to write that

damn paper.