Before Mount Everest was
discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth?
Mt.Everest
Can a man legally marry his
widow's sister in the state of
California?
No, he's dead
Clara Clatter was born on
December 27th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this
possible?
She lived in the southern hemisphere.
He has married many women,
but has never been married. Who is he?
A preacher.
How many of each animal did
Moses take on the ark?
Moses didnt make the ark, Noah did.
How many times can you
subtract the number 5 from 25?
Once, because after you subtract it's not 25 anymore.
How much dirt is in a hole 4
feet deep and 2 feet wide?
There is no dirt in a hole.
I know a word of letters
three, add two and fewer there will be.
Few
If a rooster laid a brown
egg and a white egg, what kind of chicks would hatch?
Roosters don't lay eggs.
If two's company and three's
a crowd, what are four and five?
9
If you were in a dark room
with a candle, a woodstove, a match and a gas lamp which do you light
first?
The match
If you were standing
directly on Antarcticas South Pole facing north, which direction would
you travel if you took one step backward?
North
Is an old hundred dollar
bill better than a new one?
No, I'd rather have $100 bill than a new $1 bill.
No sooner spoken than
broken. What is it?
Silence or a promise.
Some months have 30 days,
some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
Every month has at least 28 days.
Take off my skin -- I won't
cry, but you will! What am I?
An onion.
The more it dries, the
wetter it gets. What is it?
A towel.
The more you take, the more
you leave behind. What are they?
Foot steps.
There is a clerk at the
butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13
sneakers. He has a wife and 2 kids. What does he weigh?
Meat
What can burn the eyes,
sting the mouth, yet be consumed?
Peppers
What can go up a chimney
down but can't go down a chimney up?
An umbrella.
What can go up and come down
without moving?
The temperature.
What can pass before the sun
without making a shadow?
The Earth.
What can you catch but not
throw?
A cold.
What crime is punishable if
attempted, but is not punishable if committed?
Suicide
What do the numbers 11, 69, and 88 all have
in common?
They can all be flipped and still be the same.
What do you serve that you can't eat?
A tennis ball or guests.
What do you throw out when you want to use
it, but take in when you don't want to use it?
A fishing line.
What goes up white and comes down yellow?
An egg.
What grows up while growing down?
A plant.
What one word has the most letters in it?
Alphabet.
What starts with a T, ends with a T, and
has T in it?
A teapot.
What travels around the world yet stays in
one corner?
A stamp.
What two words contain the most letters?
post office
What's the difference between here and
there?
The letter T.
Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the
egg are white," or "The yolk of the egg is white?"
Neither, because egg yolks are yellow.
Which moves faster: heat or cold?
Heat, because you can catch a cold.
You answer me, although I never ask you
questions. What am I?
The telephone.
You can't keep this until you have given it.
Your word.
There is $21.00 in 1 dollar bills that has
to be split evenly among the 2 fathers and 2 sons. How is this possible?
There is only really three people...a grandfather, the father, and the
father's son who each get $7.
A Man walked up to his house and he heard
his wife scream " John Don't do it!" and the man ran inside and saw his
wife, dead on the floor. Around her was a Baker, Milkman, and a Doctor.
The man goes up to the Milkman and says "U did It!". How did the man
know he did it?
The baker and the doctor were both women and John the milkman was the
only guy.
What do you call a country, where all
class="IL_AD" id="IL_AD6">the cars in it are pink?
A pink carnation.
There is an ancient invention still used in
some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls.
What is it?
A Window
What question can someone ask all day long,
always get completely different answers, and yet all the answers could
be correct?
"What time is it?"
In a certain city, 5% of all the persons in
town have unlisted phone numbers. If you select 100 names at random
from that city's phone directory,
how many people selected will have unlisted phone numbers?
None. If their names are in the phone directory, they do not have
unlisted phone numbers!
There is a horse tied to a rope.
class="IL_AD" id="IL_AD3">The rope is 10 feet long. There is a
bale of hay 23 feet in front of the horse. The horse is able to eat the
hay, yet does not break the rope. How is that possible?
The rope isn't tied to anything!
After a man had been blindfolded, someone
hung up his hat. The man walked 100 yards, turned around, and shot a
bullet through his hat. How is such a feat possible?
His hat was hung over the barrel of the rifle!
At a posh restaurant I was having dinner
with a noted historian. We were discussing the relative merits of
Woodrow Wilson, when my friend
turned to me and said, "I'll tell you all you need to know about the
character of Woodrow Wilson. Why when he ran for president, his own
mother didn't even vote for him!"
"Is that true?", I asked.
"Of course, it's true," he said. "I know whereof I speak."
That ended the discussion. I didn't realize until I got home that,
although my friend spoke the truth, I had been tricked. How had I been
mislead?
Of course Woodrow Wilson's mother did not vote for her son. She
couldn't. Women didn't have the right to vote before 1920.
How is it possible to shave three times a
day and still grow a beard?
If you were a barber, you could shave other men three times a day and
still grow your own beard.
A man fell off a 20-foot ladder and landed
on the sidewalk, but he did not get hurt. Why not?
He fell off the bottom rung!
Why are 1980 pennies worth almost $20?
1,980 pennies equals $19.80, which is almost $20.
Which is correct: 18 plus 19 is 36.
Or 18 plus 19 are 36?
Actually neither is correct - 18 plus 19 is 37!
Is it physically possible for you to stand
behind your mother, and for your mother to stand behind you at the same
time?
Yes, if you stand back to back.
In a marathon race what does the winning
runner lose?
Their breath!
Why didn't Beethoven finish the Unfinished
Symphony?
The Unfinished Symphony was started by Schubert, not Beethoven!
What has holes but holds water?
A sponge
David's father has three sons : Snap,
Crackle and _____ ?
David
What is harder to catch the faster you run?
Your breath!
What is the beginning of eternity, the end
of time, and the beginning of every ending?
The letter "E".
What do some men have they don't want, but
would not part it for a million dollars?
A bald head.
A hundred feet in the air, but it's back is
on the ground.
What is it?
A centipede flipped over.
A father's child, a mother's child, yet no
one's son.
A Daughter.
Forward I am heavy, but backward I am not.
What am I?
Forward I am ton, backwards I am not.
What do you fill with empty hands?
Gloves
What has a foot on each side and one in the
middle?
A yardstick.
What kind of coat can be put on only when
wet?
A coat of paint.
What object has keys that open no locks,
space but no room, and you can enter but not go in
A computer keyboard.
Mary left on a horse on Sunday, was gone
for four days, and came back on Sunday.
How did that happen?
The horse's name was Sunday!
What is once in a minute, twice in a
moment, and never in a thousand years?
The letter M.
What gets larger as you take more from it?
A hole.
What questions can you never ever answer
with a "yes"?
What time is it?
Are you sleeping?
Are you dead?
If a train was on its way to Florida and it
tipped over,
where would they bury the survivors?
They wouldn't need to, the survivors are still alive!
If you are in a one story house that is all
blue, what color are the stairs?
There are no stairs! Its a one story house!
If you are in a room with no doors or no
windows
and you have a ball and a bat, how do you get out?
Three strikes your out!
The maker doesn't want it.
The buyer doesn't use it.
And the user doesn't see it.
What is it?
A coffin.
Four men sat down to play,
They played all night 'till break of day,
They played for gold and not for fun
With separate scores for everyone.
When they came to square accounts,
They all had made quite fair amounts.
Can you the pardox explain,
If no one lost, how could all gain?
They were not playing against each other.
In a tunnel of darkness lies a beast of
iron. It can only attack when pulled back.
What is it?
A bullet in a revolver
What can be swallowed, but can also swallow
you?
Pride
What's better than the best thing and worse
than the worst thing?
Literally, the word NOTHING
What two things can you never eat for
breakfast?
Lunch and Dinner
Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
Beacause they have scales!
What kind of nut has no shell?
A doughnut.
A girl named Julie threw a ball.
Without a string, without bouncing it off anything,
and without having anyone throw it back to her, it came back.
How is this possible?
She threw it in the air.
Pretend you're a bus driver. You start at
New York and fifty people get on.
Then you drive to New Jersey and twenty people get off, while five get
on.
Then you go to Florida and ten people get off while fourteen get back
on.
When you get to New Mexico, twenty people leave and five more get back
on.
When you reach California everyone get's back on. How old is the bus
driver?
Your age, remember, you're the bus driver!
There was a pond.
The pond was empty except for its water.
On the 1st day there was one lily pad.
On the 2nd day there were two lily pads.
On the 3rd day there were four lily pads.
On the 4th day there were eight lily pads.
Everyday the lily pads doubled.
It took 60 days to fill the pond with lily pads.
How many days did it take to half fill the pond with lily pads?
If the lily pads doubled everyday. And it took 60 days to fill the pond
with them. Then the pond must have been half full the day before it was
full. Thus, the answers is, 59 DAYS
While on my way to St. Ives
I saw a man with 7 wives
Each wife had 7 sacks
Each sack had 7 cats
Each cat had 7 kittens
Kitten, cats, sacks, wives
How many were going to St. Ives?
Just one, me.
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